


You and Me Makes Us

by NotesFromSarah



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Confessions, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Honesty, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Love, Marriage Proposal, Mostly Canon Compliant, Romance, Secrets, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29559210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotesFromSarah/pseuds/NotesFromSarah
Summary: For quite some time it was just the two of them, Hera and Kanan, Kanan and Hera. As their relationship deepens it sometimes forces them to grow in new and unexpected directions. A collection of moments from the early years of Kanan and Hera. Kanan/Hera. Canon compliant. Set pre-Star Wars: Rebels.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	1. THE TRUTH

**Author's Note:**

> This work is canon compliant for the first three seasons of the show but does not necessarily draw from the tie-in books, comics and other materials.

Wandering through _Ghost_ , Hera was trying to find Chopper. He wasn't answering her calls and she hoped he hadn't ended up short circuiting himself somewhere hard to get to. She had just acquired a new regulator for him which would help with the short circuiting problem. Now, if only she could find her little friend. Walking down the hall to the crew quarters she opened doors as she went. Chopper had been messing around with the wiring in some of the cabins in an attempt to make the lighting more consistent and less energy consumptive. She expected to find the droid keeled over on the floor with one of his clamp arms still sparking from the power surge.

Slapping the release to each room she stuck her head inside and took a look around. Chopper wasn't in the first two rooms, or her room. Hera pressed the last release then a microsecond later remembered that this was Kanan's room and she hadn't knocked first. She jabbed the button to close the door again but it was already opening and wouldn't respond to a close signal until it'd opened all the way first. She half thought about turning away and pretending she hadn't opened the door so spontaneously, but opted for knocking on the door frame instead. She hoped she wasn't intruding. She also hoped that maybe it was just Chopper inside, not Kanan.

Kanan was inside. The lights to the room were turned off and he was sitting in the center of the floor. His legs were drawn up in a cross-legged position and his hands were resting on his knees. His eyes had been closed but they opened when the light from the hallway spilled into his dark room. Hera had a very strong feeling that she'd barged into something personal.

"Sorry, love," she said in a hushed voice, "I didn't mean to bother you."

Kanan didn't look bothered. "It's no problem." He smiled. Hera loved it when he smiled. "What'd you need?"

"I was looking for Chopper, I have the regulator I was waiting for." Hera patted the pocket of her flight suit where the regulator was secured. "Sorry again, I'll leave you to your, uh, praying."

Kanan shook his head and got to his feet. "Nah, I'm done anyway. I'll help you look for Chop."

The two of them scoured the ship looking for Chopper who didn't seem to be anywhere. The entire time Hera was more than a little curious about what she'd seen. She never thought of Kanan as a religious person. He never spoke about spiritual matters or sported any talismans. Catching him in the middle of some sort of religious observance seemed strangely out of character.

At long last they located Chopper in the storage closet. The droid was indeed keeled over, clamp arm extended after some sort of electrical shock.

Kanan bent down to set the droid upright. "Looks like he found a surge." He laughed a little. "Couldn't happen to a nicer droid."

Hera shot Kanan a nonplussed look. "Chopper was trying to help reduce our general energy consumption and make _Ghost_ more efficient." Kneeling down next to the droid she fished the regulator out of her pocket. "And once I get this installed he should be back to full-functioning again."

"You say that as if he's ever functioned in the first place." Kanan patted Chopper's dome.

Hera snapped the regulator into place and brought Chopper's circuits back online. "Don't you listen to him Chop. You're the best droid anyone could ask for." She glanced up at Kanan who was looking down at her with a skeptical eyebrow raised as high as it would go.

"Really?" he said. "You're just going to lie like that?"

Hera swatted Kanan's leg playfully. "Chopper _is_ the best droid. You're just being mean."

Kanan pulled Hera back to her feet. "You can keep saying that, but it doesn't make it true."

Hera patted Chopper's dome. "You just can't see his full potential yet." She glanced back at Kanan. She knew she hadn't seen his full potential yet either. She wondered what he was keeping under the surface.

* * *

"You in the mood to run some errands with me?" Hera accepted a cup of tea from Kanan as she entered the galley.

Kanan shrugged. "Sure. What're we picking up?"

"Just a few crates of helpful equipment." Hera sipped the tea, it was good. She loved the way Kanan made tea. "I think some generators and maybe some speeder bikes."

"I'm sold, I've been telling you for months now that we need to get some speeder bikes." Kanan sat down with his own cup of tea, half an eye on the pot of porridge that was bubbling away.

"We need to get into the city and meet our contact, then I'll bring _Ghost_ to the rendezvous point and make the pickup."

"Sounds good to me," said Kanan.

***

Their rendezvous point was the rooftop of a multistory building. The only way to access the roof was by climbing the fire escape on the outside. Kanan was ahead of Hera and climbing a lot faster than she was. She didn't exactly relish climbing up the outside of a building but it didn't seem to bother Kanan any. She made a note of that in case any free-solo climbing was needed in the future.

Kanan reached the roof and was immediately hailed by another being. Kanan looked down the ladder at Hera. "You doing okay down there?"

"I'll be there in just a second, you go ahead." Hera focused on the task at hand and tried not to think about climbing all the way back down the ladder in just a few moments. Maybe she should start trusting Kanan to do these meetings without her.

She froze when, from the rooftop, the sound of blasterfire filled the air. Adrenaline flooded through her body and spurred her to climb the remaining rungs as fast as she was capable. She popped her head over the edge of the rooftop just in time to see the tussle. Laying prone on the roof was one being who Hera knew was their contact, she seemed to be injured. At the far end of the roof another being, who Hera could only assume was some sort of jilted business associate, was wrestling with Kanan for control of a blaster. The being, a rodian with a dangerous look about her, delivered a kick to Kanan's solar plexus. Kanan stumbled backward, his fingers around the blaster he had managed to pry from the rodian's hands. His foot slipped off the edge of the roof and he tumbled over the far side of the building.

"Kanan!" Hera screamed. Instantly, her blood turned to ice. There was no way any human could survive a fall like that. Their contact, who had been lying prone, suddenly rolled onto her back and fired three shots at the rodian. The rodian fell to her knees clutching her arm.

Hera climbed down the ladder as fast as she could, cursing at her inability to just drop to the ground unharmed. Stumbling through the series of ladders and landings that made up the fire escape Hera raced to ground level. All the while images of Kanan's body on the pavement flashed through her head. Jumping off the ladder three rungs from the bottom she turned to run around the building to discover what gruesome thing had happened to him.

Before she even took two steps, however, Kanan came running from the back of the building, rodian blaster in hand. She stared at him, not quite believing her eyes. "Kanan," she said, trying to formulate a question that wasn't something along the lines of: _why aren't you dead?_

Running over to Hera he looked around the vicinity. "Which way did she go?"

Hera blanked. What in the galaxy was he talking about? "Are you hurt?" she managed to say at last.

Kanan looked back at her. "No, I," he looked up at the top of the building and seemed to realize how far he'd fallen. "Oh. Yeah, I'm okay."

Hera ran her hands over his arms just to make sure he was really here. "You scared me to death. I thought I'd find you in pieces on the pavement."

Kanan gave her a disarming smile. "Can't get rid of me that easy."

She gave his shoulders one last squeeze now that she was reassured he wasn't some ghost. "I don't want to get rid of you at all." Looking back up at the roof she saw the tail end of a speeder zipping away. Their assailant was long gone by now. "I guess we'll have to see if we can try this again some other time."

Kanan nodded. "Yeah, we're not having any luck today, let's get out of here before we attract too much attention."

As they hurried back to _Ghost_ Hera tried with all her might to figure out a scenario where Kanan didn't die from injuries after falling from a height like that. What was even weirder to her was that Kanan didn't even seem a little roughed up. Not even a limp or anything to show that he'd fallen more than fifty meters. She even double checked around the back of the building but there was nothing that could have broken his fall. It was almost as if he'd grown wings and flown to the ground.

They did manage to make the pickup the following day. After making the exchange their injured contact melted away into the city while she and Kanan loaded the cargo into _Ghost_. Hera's questions about Kanan's miraculous survival, however, stayed.

* * *

Hera leaned over the railing of the catwalk and looked down on the scene below. "Kanan, do you still have my good hydrospanner?" Hera needed to get into _Phantom_ and make a few adjustments to the small ship.

Kanan was sitting in the cargo bay surrounded by various speeder bike parts as he tried to get their recently acquired bikes into working order. "Yeah, it's in my room." He looked up at her. "It's on the bunk, I think."

Hera suppressed a smile. Kanan had a smear of oil on his forehead (probably from messing with his hair) and looked quite the sight. "Okay. How's it going with those speeder bikes? Do you need me to get you anything?"

Kanan looked around at the chaos of the cargo bay. "I'll let you know. Chop's here helping me so I think I'm good."

Chopper waved one of his little arms to show that he was indeed being helpful.

Hera waved back at Chopper. "Alright, if you need me I'll be in _Phantom._ " Turning, she made for Kanan's cabin.

Flicking on the light as she entered, Hera looked around. The hydrospanner was not on Kanan's bunk, nor was it immediately visible on any of the surfaces. She hoisted herself up to take a gander at the upper bunk before dropping back to the floor. It wasn't there either. She wondered if Kanan had maybe left it somewhere not in his room but had forgotten. Turning away from the bunk she caught her foot on one of the under-bunk drawers that had been hanging just a little bit open. The drawer flew open and Hera heard some of the contents go clanking across the floor.

Cursing and grabbing her pained toe Hera glanced around trying to see what had been ejected from the drawer and where it had gone. Halfway across the room she saw two pieces of metal tube. _Blast!_ Hera thought to herself, _I broke it!_ She hoped Kanan wouldn't be too upset. Scooping up the pieces she tried to put them back together. They perfectly locked into place and Hera sighed with relief, but only for a second.

Looking down at the object in her hand she was suddenly very aware of what it was. A shadow at the door caused her to look up. Kanan was standing there, hydrospanner in hand.

"Hera, I-" Kanan stopped dead. His eyes widened in surprise.

Neither of them spoke for what seemed like several eternities. In her mind, everything fell into place. Every little oddity, all those little quirks. The praying, the falling off a building and walking away like nothing had happened. All those things Kanan had hinted at in his past but had never explained. The weird way he seemed to have been brought up. Why he'd been left to roam the galaxy by himself at fourteen. It all made sense now.

"Well," said Kanan, "I guess you know everything now." His tone was flat and guarded.

Hera held the lightsaber out to Kanan. "It fell out of your drawer, I thought I broke it."

Accepting the weapon he looked down at it. "No, I keep it in its pieces."

Hera studied him closely. She could see he was on edge, his shoulders were tensed and his mouth was a thin line. She needed to dial back the pressure. Taking a step closer to him she put her hand over the one that was holding his lightsaber. "Tell me about it?" It was an invitation, not an order.

Kanan tore his eyes away from the lightsaber and looked into Hera's face. He searched her for some minutes before seeming to find what he was looking for. Taking a deep breath he finally said, "My name is Caleb Dume and I used to be a Jedi."

***

The words didn't come easy at first, but the longer he spoke the more he had to say. Listening to his story, Hera realized that Kanan must have been waiting a long time to share this with anyone. She doubted that he'd ever trusted anyone else enough before now. It was at once an honor and a grave responsibility. She had a very keen awareness that his life was now in her hands.

Kanan said a lot, but what he didn't say told a lot more. He mentioned That Day and how he'd been hunted. He talked about his Jedi master, but he didn't go deeper. He didn't have to. She could see that those memories were raw and painful. The Clone Wars had left scars on everyone.

"And then I just roamed around the galaxy until I met you." Kanan looked at her, falling silent. They were sitting next to each other on his bunk. His eyes searched her from time to time. He was still asking if he could trust her.

Hera was sitting right next to him, leaning up against him so he'd know she was someone safe and she was there. "I'm glad you did meet me. I don't know what I'd do without you." Hera ran a hand over Kanan's arm hoping the contact would calm and encourage him. He'd been very vulnerable with her, she knew she had to tread softly.

"Does this change anything?" Kanan's tone was attempting to sound far more casual than it actually did. "You didn't exactly sign up for a wanted Jedi when you picked me up."

"I signed up for a good man who I could love and trust, and as far as I'm concerned that hasn't changed." She sat up so she could face him more directly. "When I told you that _Ghost_ is your home now, I meant it. You belong here by my side and I wouldn't have it any other way." Now that she knew he was a Jedi, _Ghost_ had to be more than just his home, it had to be his sanctuary and safe haven.

Kanan smiled a little, she could see him physically relax. "Well that's good 'cause I'd really hate to have to leave and find another Twi'lek who wanted to take me on as part of her pirate crew."

He was making jokes again. Good. Hera gave him a smile but said with a challenge, "You think you can replace me that easy?"

Kanan slipped his arm around behind her. "I wouldn't dream of it. What we got here? Irreplaceable."

Relaxing into his arm, Hera knew this would be far from the last time they had a conversation about his past. She was glad they got it out in the open, that she knew what she was dealing with when it came to Kanan and that he trusted her enough to share. She pushed her newfound fears about Kanan's safety to the back of her mind. As long as they were together nothing could ever hurt them.


	2. RETURN TO RYLOTH

"I got some great intel," Kanan called up to the catwalk as he drove his speeder bike up _Ghost's_ ramp into the cargo bay. "There's a big Imperial shipment leaving from Ryloth in two weeks. Only, because of some issues with piracy on Florrum a lot of the goods will be under minimal guard."

"That sounds-" Hera paused, "wait, did you say Ryloth?" She leaned over the railing of the catwalk to make sure she was hearing properly.

"Yeah," said Kanan, stepping off his bike, "the shipment will be leaving from Rhovari City. It sounds like it'll be a lot of good stuff. Medicine, weapons, generators, that kind of thing."

Hera didn't say anything for a moment. She hadn't been back to Ryloth for a long time. "Sounds like a good haul, how reliable is this tip?"

"Very reliable," Kanan assured her, "I never play sabacc with unreliable types."

Hera raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "You learned this from a sabacc partner?"

"Yeah," Kanan didn't seem to think that was weird in the slightest, "he's a good enough guy, we can trust the info."

"And if we're walking into a trap?" Hera didn't like trusting intelligence that came from outside her normal channels of communication.

"It's not, and besides, we'll be careful." Kanan stowed the speeder bike and climbed the ladder to the catwalk. "But we can trust this info."

Trust but be careful. It was how they had to live every day. Hera searched his face for reassurance. She didn't want to be headed straight into an imperial trap and she didn't want to go back to Ryloth. Both seemed good enough reasons to kill this mission before is went any further.

Kanan put a hand on Hera's shoulder. "Is something bothering you about Ryloth?"

Sometimes Kanan was so incredibly perceptive it was scary. "No," she said quickly. "Let me think this over for a little while. I want to double check this info before we do anything risky."

"If that's all it is," said Kanan. His eyes seemed to look right through her.

"That's all it is." Hera patted his hand. "I'm going to take care of some things, I'll let you know what I decide about the mission a little later." Kanan studied her but Hera didn't want him asking any more questions. She wasn't prepared to answer anything right now. The prospect of returning to Ryloth had thrown her for a loop.

"Okay," Kanan said, but he didn't sound like he believed her.

Hera turned and headed straight for the crew quarters. She needed a little time to think.

* * *

Hera heard Kanan's soft taps at her door some hours later. He must have thought she'd had enough time to consider the mission. "Come in," she called, though she didn't really feel like talking to anyone yet. She didn't know if she wanted to share this part of her past with Kanan.

Kanan pressed the release and entered her cabin. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," she said, trying to keep her voice light, "I'm still trying to find corroborating evidence for this Ryloth mission." Which was true, but hardly honest.

Kanan gestured to the datapad in her lap. "Finding anything?"

Hera looked down at the screen. She hadn't really been looking that hard. "Well, there are reports of increased piracy in the Florrum sector, but I haven't found any information about the Empire sending reinforcements to shut it down." Hera flicked through the scattered news reports from around the Outer Rim. She might have gotten farther with her search if she hadn't been so preoccupied about the other concern she had about Ryloth.

Kanan sat down next to her. "What are you thinking about this mission?"

Hera looked over at him. She was thinking a lot of things and only a few had to do with Imperial supplies. "It's risky, information from an unknown source is hard to trust."

"I know," said Kanan, "but I think we can give this one a chance." He studied her for a minute. "Is there anything else bothering you about Ryloth?"

"No," Hera said, for the second time. She didn't know why she was so reluctant to share about her past with Kanan. She trusted him, didn't she? "I just don't want to walk right into an Imperial trap."

"That's not going to happen," said Kanan, "because unlike the Empire, we're not idiots."

Hera smiled. "No, not usually."

* * *

Reluctantly, Hera agreed to Kanan's proposed op. She still had reservations about his source – and even more about going back to Ryloth at all – but her preliminary dig for information showed that Kanan's sabacc tip was reliable to some extent. There had been an increase of piracy in the Florrum sector and Imperial resources around the Outer Rim were indeed being redirected to combat it. It was the perfect chance to slip in under their noses and steal some incredibly valuable goods.

Through the cockpit window Hera watched the hyperspace sky fly around her. She was lost in thought and the mottled light was very meditative. She knew she wasn't going to run into her father in Rhovari City, but just the thought of returning to her home after all these years was a little daunting.

"Hey," Kanan said as he entered the cockpit. He was carrying two steaming mugs of tea.

"Hey," Hera replied as she accepted one of the mugs from him.

Kanan sat down in the co-pilot's seat and sipped from his cup. "So, are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Hera knew exactly what he meant, but she needed to stall.

"What's bothering you about Ryloth." Kanan didn't beat around the bush.

Hera glanced at him and took as long a sip of her tea as she could get away with. "It's not Ryloth," she said at last.

"Oh, as long as we've got that cleared up." Kanan dramatically leaned back in his chair. "You're just being super weird about going to Ryloth because it's _not_ Ryloth. Makes perfect sense."

Hera's lips twitched in a slight smile. She should hate Kanan's sarcasm, but most of the time she actually loved it. "Well it's _not_ Ryloth," she defended, "not exactly."

"Then what is it?" Kanan's tone was serious again. "If there's something that bothers you about going to Ryloth you can tell me."

Hera took another drink of her tea to distract herself. They had shared a lot, just the two of them, but when it came to being vulnerable about the past? That was usually Kanan's job. She hadn't realized it at first, but she was afraid of sharing her past with Kanan. What if he saw her as weak? She knew she could trust him. Hadn't she said as much over and over? She was the one who usually took care of people, she wasn't used to being taken care of. Still, she knew that if the shoe were on the other foot she'd be asking the same questions. Maybe she could be vulnerable this time. Maybe she should be.

Hera sighed. "It's my father, that's what's bothering me about Ryloth."

"Your father?" Kanan hadn't seemed to have expected that. A second later he said, "So, tell me about it."

Hera thought back. Where to even begin? So many emotions were mixed up with all of it. "I was born and raised on Ryloth, like most Twi'leks are." She looked down at her cup, the steam from the tea was starting to dissipate now. "The Clone Wars were a very difficult time for us."

Kanan nodded silently. He ran a finger around the rim of his cup and waited for her to continue.

Hera had run out of neutral things to say, everything else was so personal. "My father, the great Cham Syndulla," her voice sounded more sarcastic than she felt, "fought against the Separatists during the war. Because of his efforts, Ryloth was able to prevent occupation. After the fall of the Republic he kept fighting." Here, Hera dropped her tone. "After my mother was killed resisting the Empire it only made him fight that much harder." She knew why her father fought, she even knew why he was so demanding, it didn't make it any easier to live with, though.

"What happened to him?" Kanan was clearly expecting this story to end in a very different way than it did.

"He raised me to know right from wrong, to never stop fighting against injustice. I guess I took him off guard when I told him I wanted to leave Ryloth and fight the Empire in my own way." Hera tried to keep her voice steady, but the memories of the arguments she'd had with her father shortly before she left were painful ones.

"He wanted you to stay and fight the Empire on Ryloth?" Kanan was watching her intently.

Hera nodded. "And when I told him I was leaving, he said that I'd betrayed him and my people. He told me he didn't want to hear from me again unless I was returning to fight at his side." Saying those words out loud hurt more than she expected them too.

"I take it you haven't spoken to him since?" Kanan's voice was soft and understanding.

"No." Hera swished the tea in her cup trying to distract herself from her feelings. "My father is a stubborn man, he's not going to back down."

Kanan shifted in his seat to close the distance between them. He put a hand on her knee. "I'm sorry about that. It must be painful to have left things the way you did."

Hera looked up at Kanan. She gave him a wan smile. "There's a lot of days where I think that I don't care. But if I'm being honest with myself," Hera took a deep breath, she couldn't let her voice go shaky now, "I wish things were different. I know we're not going to run into him, but even just going back is hard."

"I can see why you're reluctant to go back there. If this is too difficult for you, we can come up with something else." He gave her knee and encouraging pat.

Kanan was such a good man. A little clueless about life from time to time, but good. Hera blinked trying to keep her emotions in check. She hadn't actually told anyone about her estrangement with her father. It felt good to get it out finally. To not have to be strong one hundred percent of the time. She put her hand on Kanan's and gave it a squeeze.

Kanan smiled at her, filling her with an unexpected rush of warmth. "So, what's the word, Captain?"

Hera gazed at him. This man she loved. This man she trusted more than anyone else in the galaxy. This man she could be truly honest with. Finally, without any of her previous reservation, she said, "The word is: Ryloth."


	3. HIGH TIME FOR A FIRST TIME

Hera had been waiting for Kanan to make a first move for a while now. Yes, they were together, they had confessed their feelings for each other, but things never went very far between them. Hera understood why, but she hoped Kanan would get the idea and move things along a little bit. She was reluctant to rush him, she wanted him to know it was okay to take things slowly, but she was beginning to think that she might have to drop a few very obvious hints. With anyone else she might have just said what she wanted outright, but knowing his background she thought it would be better to let him be to one to say something.

Coming into the galley she saw Kanan was doing his usual morning chore of making them tea and porridge for breakfast. Porridge wasn't her favorite, but it sure tasted better when someone else was making it. Especially when that someone was as good-looking as Kanan.

"Morning," said Hera as she sat down at the table, she gave him a surreptitious once over noting once more that Kanan was a fine looking specimen. She wondered how she might subtly get the idea across that she would like to get more intimate. Kanan could be a touch dense at times.

"Good morning," said Kanan as he placed a cup of tea in front of Hera's place at the table, "sleep well?"

"Mostly," said Hera. She didn't add that it would have been better with some company.

Kanan served her up a bowl of porridge. "That's good." Sliding the bowl in front of her he served up his own bowl and sat down. "So, what are we doing today?"

"I thought we'd take today off, just relax for a little bit." Maybe, if there weren't any distractions, Kanan might catch on to her train of thought.

"Relax? That's a new one for you." Kanan took a drink of his tea. "I could get behind that."

Relaxing was somewhat out of Hera's normal purview. She liked to be busy, and it seemed that between the ship, Chopper, and the Empire there was always something more important to be thinking about. Today, however, there was none of that. It would be just her and Kanan.

Swirling the tea in her cup, Hera caught Kanan's eye. "You want to go into the city and just look around for once?"

"Sounds great," said Kanan, "almost like a real date."

Maybe there was hope for him yet.

* * *

Wandering through the city with no specific purpose was one of the best feelings. There were no supplies to steal, contacts to meet, or even errands to run. It was just the two of them set loose in the shabby Outer Rim city with no responsibilities.

Hera glanced at Kanan's hand. He'd made no move to take hers, but she didn't know if it was because he was shy or if he just wasn't used to being demonstrative. She suspected it was a mix of both. Knowing that he'd been raised in a religious order really made a lot of sense.

Deciding to take matters into her own hands – literally – Hera reached down and interlaced her fingers with Kanan's. The sensation of skin on skin contact sent a wave of warmth through Hera, she really hoped Kanan felt the same way.

Kanan glanced over at her, a touch of surprise on his face before he smiled and squeezed her hand gently. She smiled back. This was good progress.

Heading towards the large, open-air market the two of them strolled casually through the stalls. Vendors from all over the sector were there to hawk their wares. Fruits and spices, clothes, tools, everything a person could want was for sale. Hera found herself drawn to a colorful display of silk scarves. Clipped to a line above the stall the brightly colored squares fluttered in the breeze like butterflies. Hera paused to watch them.

"You like them?" asked Kanan, glancing over the dainty slips of fabric.

A wave of shyness overcame Hera, she was usually too practical for such things. "I just like the colors, that's all. It reminds me that these gray, Imperial times can't last forever."

"Which one do you want?" Kanan put his free hand to his belt pouch for the credits.

"You don't have to-" Hera started. She was reluctant to accept for such a frivolous gift.

"Don't be weird about this," Kanan told her in a particularly no-nonsense way.

Hera gave him a smile and sighed, persuaded. "If you're going to insist."

"I am." Kanan jingled the credits in his hand. "This is an act of resistance, after all."

Wearing brightly colored clothes did feel like rebellion at times. The Empire had tried hard to make people feel as though they'd never be happy again. "Well, I rather like that one." Hera pointed to a deep purple scarf with a delicate pattern on the border.

"That's more like it," said Kanan as he dropped her hand and went to the stall to purchase the scarf.

Watching him make the transaction, Hera was grateful that she could depend on Kanan. It really struck her that he was looking out for her as much as she was looking out for him. It was nice to be able to trust someone like that. It only made her want to be with him all the more.

Returning with the scarf, Kanan draped it over Hera's shoulder. "It looks good," he said.

Hera looked down at her shoulder moving her hand up to compare the color of the scarf to her skin. The tones matched just right so as to compliment instead of clash. She looked up at Kanan. "Thanks, love."

"I think it'd look great on you tied around your, uh" Kanan gestured to her head as he seemed to be searching for the right word.

"Lekku?' Hera offered, brushing a hand over one and pulling it to rest on her shoulder next to the scarf.

"Yeah, lekku," said Kanan with a soft smile. "It'd look really nice."

"When we get back to the ship I'll try it on." Hera actually knew quite a few attractive ways to tie a scarf around her head. Her mother had been quite fond of them and had taught her how to wrap a scarf in a variety of knots and folds. She missed those days, it seemed like another lifetime.

"You'll be beautiful, as always." Kanan took her hand in his again and they resumed their stroll through the market. "What do you say we go find something to make for supper?"

Hera gave his hand a squeeze. Kanan taking her hand had sent a thrill through her. He seemed to be relaxing now that she'd silently given him permission to touch her. "Sounds wonderful."

* * *

That evening, Hera leaned against the wall near the door of the galley and watched Kanan as he prepared their supper. He was an attractive man and she loved watching him work. She hoped that he felt her gaze on him. She even hoped it distracted him a little bit.

"Love?" she said, mostly just to get his attention.

"Yeah," he said back, turning to lean against the cooking station. His eyes traced over her in a way that assured Hera he was thinking about her as much as she was about him.

Hera toyed with the ends of the purple scarf she'd tied around her head. "What are you thinking about?"

"Right now?" asked Kanan, his eyes still roaming her. "Mostly you."

Hera smiled, it was exactly what she wanted because he was all that had been in her mind all day long. "Can you guess what I'm thinking about?"

Kanan laughed. "Probably something important." He fished a clean spatula from the drawer and just held it in his hands for a second as he gazed at her. "But I hope it's me anyway."

Hera took a step closer to him. Not close enough that she'd be in his way while cooking, but close enough for him to feel her in his space. She leaned against the edge of the table and enjoyed looking him up and down. "What do you hope I think about you?"

"I don't know, good stuff." Kanan flashed her one of his charming smiles. "Stuff that you'd be embarrassed to say out loud."

Hera had a sudden burning desire to blurt out the most risqué thing she could think of. She refrained, knowing that if she did say something right now supper might just go unfinished, and she was a little too hungry for that. "Maybe," she said mysteriously, opting for the safer reply.

Kanan's eyes flicked over her face and down her body again. She knew she was all he was thinking about right this second. The thought filled her with a strange pleasure and she couldn't wait to fill his brain with even more thoughts of her if things went according to plan.

The sound of sizzling filled the air and Kanan's attentions were quickly redirected back to his cooking. Hera heard him cursing under his breath and he frantically stirred the contents of the pot and tried to undo the damage. She decided to shut up until dinner was fully ready, she was pretty sure she got her point across and didn't want to further jeopardize her meal.

At last the pair of them sat down to eat. The meal had mostly gone unharmed with only a few of the vegetables suffering from scorching. All the while they ate Hera kept the conversation light, but purposefully kept nudging Kanan's foot under the table. She wanted to be the only thing he was thinking about. Every time she touched him he would silently catch her eye. His looks sent a thrill through her, amping up her desire.

After the meal was over and they were cleaning the dishes, Hera made certain to brush her fingers over his hand every time a dish was handed off between them. She knew it was certainly building a sense of anticipation in her, she was fairly sure it was having the same affect on him. When the last plate was stored, she took Kanan's hand and led him out of the galley. She didn't say where she was taking him, and he didn't ask. The looks they shared as they made their way down the hall to the cabins made Hera's blood race. At long last they entered her room and as the door shut behind them Hera found herself in the midst of an embrace. She wasn't sure which one of them had started it but she didn't care as Kanan's warm lips pressed against her own.

Hera enjoyed the sensation of the kiss for a long moment before he pulled back to look her in the eye. "Hera, I don't know how to say this but, I, uh, I mean, we, uh, I mean do you want to…?" his voice trailed off, he didn't seem quite sure what to say next.

Hera understood. "Are you ready, Kanan?" Her arms were around his neck, his around her waist, their bodies pressed close together.

"Ready? Yeah, uh, are you?" He was nervous, but Hera saw he wanted to take things to the next level.

"I'm ready for things to get physical." She wanted to make things clear without furthering the awkwardness of the moment. She sensed the tension in Kanan's body. Hera ran her hands down his shoulders and over his arms, trying to reassure him. "I want to be with you and I hope you want to be with me too."

"I-I do," Kanan said hastily, "I really do."

Hera beamed up at Kanan. She put a hand to his cheek, cupping his face.

"It's just," Kanan continued.

"What?" said Hera, a hint of alarm in her voice, "What is it?" It sounded like bad news. Her brain blazed though a thousand unlikely scenarios that might explain why Kanan didn't want to do this with her.

"It's just, well," Kanan was trying to look anywhere but at her, "I've never done this before," he confessed. His nervousness was apparent.

"With a Twi'lek?" Hera asked, her fingers following the curve of his jaw and running over his neck.

"With anyone," Kanan said, he sounded embarrassed. "This is my first time."

"Really?" Hera didn't mean it to sound so surprised. She knew everyone was on a different time-scale when it came to being ready to experience different things – including never being ready. She tried to correct herself. "I mean-"

Kanan shook his head. "I know what you mean. And yeah, really. I was fourteen when-" he let the silence hang for a moment before continuing, "at any rate, I've never trusted, well, anyone since then. It's hard to get intimate with someone if you don't trust them at all."

Hera understood his reluctance to initiate at last, it made perfect sense. She was sad for him though, not having the ability to grow close to others even if he wanted to. She gave him an encouraging smile. "It's okay, love. We'll take it slow." It seemed that when Kanan said he'd never had a relationship before, he really meant it.

Kanan gave her a shy smile in return, meeting her gaze at last. "I'm not going to be any good, you know."

Hera could see he was trying to degrade himself defensively, she wasn't having it. "Sure you will. I'll help you and we'll be great together." She looked into his eyes, her hand running over the back of his neck. "If you relax and trust me, everything will be just fine."

"So that's all there is to it? Trusting you?" Kanan held her tightly, the tension in his shoulders beginning to dissipate. His roguish smile falling back into place on his lips.

"There's a few other things, but that's the big one," Hera said as her fingers found the closures to his shirt. "I'll tell you the others as we go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am fully aware of the book _A New Dawn_ and how it depicts Kanan as something of an alcoholic and a ladies man, but I wanted to take a different approach with this fic. I've chosen to depict him as never being in a relationship of any kind before because of how he was raised, him being a drifter until he met Hera, his inability to trust anyone fully until he met Hera, and the Jedi propensity to permanently fall in love with the first person they have a relationship with. I'm open to other interpretations of Kanan's past love life or lack thereof, but this is the one I've chosen for this particular story.


	4. PLAYING HOUSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wherein I explore why Kanan and Hera keep separate rooms.

"Why don't you move in to my room, it'll be a lot easier, and a lot cozier." Hera didn't want Kanan to feel that she was keeping him at a distance. They were together now in every aspect, so it just made sense.

Kanan shrugged. "I guess so. You won't mind having me around all the time?"

"No way." Hera smiled. "Why don't you bring your things over?"

It took Kanan less than two minutes to move all his things into Hera's cabin. She realized that he really did live simply. "Is that all?"

"Yeah," Kanan said. He seemed unsure of if he was supposed to produce more things so as to have the proper amount. "Three changes of clothes, a comb, a datapad, my holocron and my lightsaber. Should I have anything else?"

Hera shook her head. "No, I suppose not. I just never realized how frugal you were."

Kanan laughed. "Is that what I'm being? Frugal? And here I thought I was just being weird."

Hera laughed and opened one of the under-bunk drawers she had emptied just for him. "I was worried this wouldn't be enough space, but it seems like it'll be more than enough."

Kanan knelt down and arranged his things just so. Hera watched as he put everything in a very particular order inside the drawer. She also noted that his clothes were folded in a very specific way so they would be very neat and compact.

Sliding the drawer shut, Kanan looked up at her. "I guess it's official, we're living together now."

Hera smiled. "Yes we are."

* * *

Kanan couldn't call Hera messy, but her organization system was extremely different than what he was used to. At the Temple everything had gone its proper place and that's how he lived his life even now. Hera, however, didn't seem to mind that tools, spare parts and even food were to be found in her quarters. All of it had a place, but none of it belonged there.

Ignoring the tools on various surfaces, Kanan went to sit on the bed, but discovered it was unmade. He'd risen first that morning, so it seemed that Hera had forgotten to tidy it. No problem, he could fix that in just a second. Making up the bed he sat on it and just relaxed in the quiet. He enjoyed having time to decompress, though, all the visual noise in Hera's room made it a little harder.

Opening a document on his datapad, he leaned back against the wall to read it. A second later Hera entered.

"Oh, you're in here." she sounded surprised.

Kanan looked up from his screen. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, you're okay," said Hera. She retrieved her own datapad and sat on the bunk with Kanan.

Kanan went back to his document. By focusing on the words he could almost pretend he was alone again. Quiet music started playing from Hera's datapad. Kanan glanced over at her. Hera was watching a holovid of a dancing Rodian, and even though the sound was turned down Kanan could still hear it clearly.

He returned his eyes to the screen. The music wasn't that bad, really, he could tune it out. Abruptly it cut off as Hera opened a different video. This one had talking in what sounded like Twi'lek. Kanan tried to ignore it but the sounds were too distracting. Hera had been teaching him some Twi'lek phrases and he understood just enough to be very confused by the contents of the video. Tearing his eyes away from the text he checked to see what she was watching.

Hera noticed his distraction. "Is this bothering you?"

"No," Kanan said, he didn't want it to bother him so it didn't. This was Hera's room, she needed to feel like she could do whatever she was used to doing in here. He watched the holovid for a moment before finally getting up. "I'm going to make tea, do you want some?"

"Sure, love." Hera flashed him a quick smile.

Leaving the crew quarters he headed straight for the galley. Turning on the kettle, Kanan sat at the table. Now here was a nice quiet place. The only sound was that of the kettle as the water heated. He let out a satisfied sigh. Living with Hera might be a little more challenging than he'd thought. He could do this though. He didn't want her to feel like he was keeping her at a distance and this was how he could show that.

The water finished boiling and Kanan filled two cups with tea. They were simply going through a period of adjustment, everything was going to be fine.

* * *

"Do you always keep so many tools in your room?" Kanan asked, picking up a hydrospanner off the side storage compartment. Hera and him had been living together for a few days now but this was the first time he'd said anything about her organization.

"Usually," said Hera. "Does it bother you?" She had maybe a dozen tools of various types here and there in her room, she never really thought about it as being unusual before.

"Not really, I'm just more used to things being put away," said Kanan putting the tool back where he'd found it. "I guess I know where to look next time I need one of these." Sarcasm aside, he seemed to be struggling to be okay with her room the way it was.

Hera supposed she might make a more concerted effort to get her tools back into the toolbox. She often worked on things in her room before bed so she had gotten into a habit of leaving her tools around. She supposed there was some room for compromise here.

Taking the hydrospanner Kanan had just put down Hera said, "I see your point. I'll put these back in my toolbox in the storage closet." All they had to do was keep communicating, they'd make this transition just fine. Give and take was important in any relationship.

That afternoon Hera returned from a quick trip to the settlement to buy some upgraded parts for Chopper. The last time she'd repaired him she'd had to cobble together some things, so she wanted to prioritize an upgrade. Coming into her cabin she went to the storage cabinet to find her box of spare parts. Upon opening the cabinet, however, she found that the contents had been shifted around somewhat.

"Kanan," she said to herself with a sigh. He must have needed something in here and decided to reorganize a bit. It was her fault, she had told him to feel at home. Maybe she should have added the caveat to not touch her stuff. Suppressing her frustration, she sifted though the various storage boxes until she found the one she was looking for. It took her nearly three times longer than normal to locate the container and put away the new parts. Maybe she needed to have a talk with Kanan about this one cabinet. She hesitated though, she didn't want him to feel like this wasn't really his room too.

That night Kanan and Hera were relaxing together on their bunk, Hera sitting between Kanan's legs, resting against his chest. _This_ , she reminded herself, _is why I wanted us to move in together_. Laying against him with his arms around her was what she wanted more than anything. She could put up with the irritation of having someone new in her space for this.

Their tranquility was suddenly shattered when Chopper burst into the room. Waving his arms he started fussing and fuming, going on and on about something.

Hera had a difficult time understanding him. "Slow down, Chopper, what's wrong?" She rose from the bunk.

Hera jumped back as, spinning in a tight circle, Chopper squealed in a high pitched tone and fell over, his little clamp arms extended and his lights flickering.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Kanan who'd also stood up.

Hera stood over Chopper, looking for signs of life. "His motivator is going. I need to tune him up," she told Kanan. Kneeling next to her droid she reached for the hydrospanner she always kept by her bed. But, it wasn't there because she'd put it away in her toolbox. She frowned. It would have been right there if Kanan hadn't complained. "Can you go get my toolbox, love?"

"Uh, sure," said Kanan. Stepping over Chopper he vanished down the hall.

Fumbling around in her storage compartment Hera once again took an unreasonably long time to find the box of parts. She scowled as she finally found it. Kanan returned with the tools handing them to her. "Thanks," she said in a way that didn't sound particularly grateful.

It took Hera only a couple of minutes to correct the problem, but the intervening seconds she'd had to wait for the tools made the issue worse than if her tools had been right at hand and the parts where she was used to them. She tried not to let it irritate her but she wasn't sure she was succeeding. Chopper's motivator only went out once in blue moon, but situations like this was why she preferred to have her tools in her room and her organizational system left in place.

Putting Chopper back to rights she had Kanan set him back on his wheels. Chopper was back to his old fire and vinegar self so Hera wasn't too worried about him now that those few intense minutes of repair were over. She sent the droid back out of the cabin. "I think he'll be okay now."

"You work wonders on that hunk of junk," Kanan said as he sat back down on the bunk. "It's no wonder he only likes you."

"Chopper isn't a hunk of junk, he's your family," Hera insisted as she put her tools in her toolbox. Scooting it into the corner she rose and came back to bed. "Anyway, I think I'll leave the tools in here from now on, but I'll do my best to keep them put away. It'll be easier for both of us."

Kanan shrugged. "It doesn't bother me." Hera wasn't sure she fully believed that. Kanan laughed. "I never realized Chop came to you in the middle of the night for emergency surgery."

"It happens more often than you'd think." Hera climbed under the blanket and Kanan settled in beside her.

As she lay next to Kanan and heard his breathing even out as he fell asleep she tried to remember that getting used to each other was going to take time. Moving in together didn't magically make things better between two people, you had to work to even out the rough edges. She tried to set aside her irritation at Kanan's peculiarities and she focused on being wrapped in Kanan's arms. This was what made it worth it, right?

* * *

After almost two weeks of living together, Kanan had to say that it wasn't getting any easier. He had never realized before now how used he was to having his own space all the time. While he loved being around Hera every minute of the day, he was starting to get a little sick of it too. He wondered how long it would take for him to get used to this.

He loved waking early in the morning tangled in Hera's arms. He would kiss her temple softly before rising to go make them breakfast. He didn't love tripping over Chopper who was often powered down in their room and would wake up and scold him for it. He didn't love having to navigate all of Hera's things or feel like there were a lot of unspoken rules he was violating. Hera kept saying that he should feel at home here, but he wasn't sure he ever would.

By all accounts Hera was neat as a pin with her space, but to Kanan it just seemed noisy and cluttered. He was trying with all his might to get used to it, he _wanted_ to get used to it, now if only his brain would shut up about it.

Coming into the room he noted that the bed was laden down with Hera's clothes. She must have just washed them and hadn't had time to fold and put them away. Kanan suppressed a sigh. He was sure Hera was doing something important, he remembered that she was doing some sort of upgrade on the nav computer, but coming into their room and finding the bed a mess was really starting to grate on him. Sitting down, he began to fold the clothes.

As he sorted through the collection of work shirts and jumpsuits he folded the garments much like he folded his own clothes, in compact shapes that stacked well. While Hera had a few more sets of clothes than him, her wardrobe was overwhelmingly practical. Most of the storage space in her room went to tools, parts and gadgets with only a couple spaces dedicated to clothing. As he worked through the pile he daydreamed about Hera owning a few more frivolous things, maybe a few dresses that bared her arms – or other places.

His train of thought was interrupted as Hera entered the room. "Oh," she said as she noticed what he was doing, "did I forget to put those away?"

"It's no problem," said Kanan, even though he did think it was a problem, at least a little bit.

Hera sat next to him and helped to fold the remaining clothes. "Is this how you fold things?" she asked as she glanced at the ones he had already folded.

Kanan frowned. "Yeah, is something wrong with it?"

"No," said Hera quickly, but she picked up one of the shirts Kanan had folded and refolded it differently. "This shirt just needs to be folded like this or it wrinkles."

"Oh," said Kanan, a tad irritated. He didn't see what the difference was with how the shirt was folded, but it was her shirt.

"I just don't want it to wrinkle." Hera had obviously heard the note of irritation in his voice. "All the others are fine."

"No," said Kanan, trying not to be defensive, "I see what you mean." Even though he didn't.

Hera gathered her clothes and started putting them away in her under-bunk drawer. Kanan noticed that she specifically refolded three more things before she put them away. He tried not to let it bother him, but if she didn't like the way he folded things maybe she should make sure her clothes were put away and not leave them around.

* * *

A few days later Hera opened the door to her room and flicked on the light before she realized Kanan was in there meditating. "Sorry," she said in a whisper and turned the lights off again. She wasn't sure why the lights had to be off when he meditated, but he always left them that way.

Kanan kept his eyes closed and murmured, "It's okay." He didn't seem too bothered by the interruption.

Hera crept past him, trying to be unobtrusive, and fumbled around in the dark for a screwdriver. It took her significantly longer than if she'd just turned on the lights and she made far more noise this way, but she was trying to be mindful of Kanan's needs. Sneaking back out she closed the door again. She was pretty sure she didn't need anything else from her room.

Getting to the cockpit and opening up the access panel for the nav computer she realized she needed a replacement fuse. A fuse that she kept in her spare parts box in her room. She hated having to bother Kanan again, but she really needed to get her nav computer functional. It annoyed Kanan that she kept spare parts in her room, but she knew exactly where everything was and it was way easier than if she had them scattered around the ship in various storage closets. This time she remembered not to turn on the lights as she entered the room.

Kanan opened an eye a tiny bit as the door opened. Hera mouthed the word _sorry_ before going to the compartment and fishing out the box. She decided to take the whole thing with her instead of trying to sort through the pieces while Kanan was meditating. Noticing that Kanan was frowning slightly in concentration, Hera left as quickly as she could. She tried not to be irritated, but it was very inconvenient for Kanan to monopolize the room for hours at a time while he meditated.

Heading back to the cockpit she promised herself that she wouldn't interrupt him anymore today. She was going to wait until he had finished meditating and came to find her before she went back to her cabin. Getting back into the nav computer, Hera wondered if maybe they could set aside one of the spare cabins to be Kanan's meditation space. That might work better for everyone since Kanan seemed to need several uninterrupted hours a week for his meditation.

"Chopper?" she called for her astromech, her hands full of the nav computer's inner workings.

Chopper rolled into the cockpit and asked what she wanted.

"Where are those galactic datasets I gave you, I need them now."

Chopper gurgled and grumbled in reply.

"What do you mean you don't have them anymore? Where did you put them?" Hera sorted through the parts of the computer until she found the one leading to the right fuse.

Chopper gave a lengthy explanation about how the datasets were annoying to carry and he didn't want to drop them when he was working on _Ghost's_ landing struts to he put them away for safe keeping.

"I don't care _why_ you don't have them still, I want to know where they are. I can't finish this repair without them." Hera deftly unfastened the old fuse and replaced it with the one from the box. "Are they in the galley?"

Chopper said no.

"Are they in crew area?"

Chopper said no again.

Hera was starting to get annoyed by his unhelpful behavior. "Stop playing guessing games with me, Chopper, where did you leave them?"

Chopper said he put them in her bunk.

"Well go get them for me, I need to get this finished." Hera was focused on the mess of wires in her hands as she gathered specific ones to bundle together for her repair. Chopper wheeled away complaining about something when Hera suddenly remembered that Kanan was still meditating in her room. _Blast!_

Dropping the wires she raced after Chopper. She couldn't let him disrupt Kanan for a third time. Skidding into the hallway to the crew quarters she was too late. Chopper had already opened the door to her room and in his usually noisy fashion turned on the lights and barged right in with no warning. Chasing after him she also entered the room in a less than noiseless fashion.

Kanan was still sitting on the floor but his eyes were open as he glared at Chopper. He was rubbing his knee and it seemed that Chopper had been his usual bullying self and had rammed right into him. There was nothing for it now. "Chopper," she scolded, "come back here."

Chopper ignored her, still fussing about how he was responsible for everything around the ship, and went to the under-bunk drawers and opened the one with Kanan's things in it. Digging around he came back with a collection of datatapes.

"Is he always going to be this mean to me," Kanan grumbled. Any air of meditative peace now completely gone.

"Sorry, love," said Hera for a third time, she really did feel bad about all the interruptions. "He's just not used to sharing my space with you yet."

Chopper rolled past Kanan, making sure to bump into him again, as he delivered the tapes to Hera.

Kanan got to his feet. "You know what? I'm going to go for a walk and meditate outside." His voice left no doubt that he was irritated. "If you need me call my comm."

Hera nodded. It might be better this way. Kanan could get the peace and quiet he needed, and she could get her work done without disturbing him. This would be okay.

***

Hera was waiting at the ramp of _Ghost_ towel in hand _._ Rain was pounding so hard that she couldn't see further than a few meters. She knew Kanan was going to be miserable when he got back. Vaguely she hoped that he'd been somewhere near shelter, but knowing him he'd probably gone for a quiet place in an open field. When she finally saw him coming through the downpour she was relieved to see that he was okay, but he was absolutely drenched. His boots made a particular squelching sound as he came up the ramp.

"I'm so sorry, love, I didn't know it was going to rain." Hera put the towel around his shoulders and attempted to blot some of the worst of the wet off.

Kanan seemed to be far past annoyed and angry and deep into fully resigned, making Hera think he'd been walking for a while. "I should have checked. I was just so focused on getting some space I didn't even think about weather." Pulling the tie from his hair he let it loose and rung it out.

Hera tried not to shudder as he twisted his hair. She knew it didn't hurt him, but it hurt her to watch it. "Let's get you dried off and warmed up, then we can talk about making a private place for you to meditate on board."

Kanan nodded, pulling the towel to wipe off his face. "Yeah, we need to talk."

This time, Hera made Kanan tea while he warmed up after his walk in the monsoon. Mentally, Hera was readying herself for the coming conversation. She was starting to think things might not work out the way she had wanted.

Sitting next to Kanan on her bunk she adjusted the blanket around his shoulders. His hair was still wet and there was still a slight coolness to his skin. He sipped the tea gratefully.

"You don't really like living together like this, do you?" Hera hoped she was wrong, but was pretty sure she wasn't.

Kanan looked down at his cup, he seemed to be choosing the right words. "Hera, I love living with you, being near you, sleeping next to you at night. It makes me feel loved in a way I've never known before." He glanced up at Hera, she could tell he was trying to spare her feelings. "Hera, I love you, but – and I mean this in the nicest way possible – living with you is driving me crazy."

Hera had to suppress a smile, between Kanan's bedraggled appearance and the comedy show routine they'd performed earlier, Hera couldn't help but see his point. A little part of her was relieved that he'd said the thing she'd been trying not to think herself. Living with Kanan was starting to drive her a bit crazy too. "Is it the meditation thing?"

"Some of it, I really do need time and space to meditate, and I prefer to do it near my things." Kanan took another drink of tea. Hera understood that he was talking about his Jedi tools. "I also didn't think about this before, but I like things to be very," Kanan seemed to be searching for the right word.

"Spartan?" Hera suggested.

"Sure, spartan," said Kanan. "You on the other hand are a little," once again Kanan seemed to be looking for the right word.

"Messy?" Hera offered. She wasn't really messy, but for a man who could keep all his worldly possessions in a single drawer she was sure it seemed that way.

"That's your word," Kanan put up his hands defensively. "But it's different from what I'm used to and it makes me feel crazy every time I walk in here." After a pause Kanan looked over at her. "Why did you want me to move in anyway?"

"After a certain point it's the normal thing to do," said Hera. "I didn't want you to think that I was keeping you at a distance, or afraid to commit."

"I know how you feel about me." Kanan reached out and took her hand.

A shiver ran through Hera. She was certain that he really did know. "If I've been annoying you, why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Kanan gave a wan smile. "I could tell that you really wanted this to work, I wanted this to work, and I didn't want you to think I was keeping you at a distance. I see now that maybe I should have been honest about my reservations from the start."

"Kanan," was all Hera said, what else could she say? She moved closer to him and put her arm around his waist, leaning against his side. "So, you want to move out?"

"Yes," said Kanan with perhaps a little more emphasis than was necessary.

Hera smiled. "And when I want you to stay with me all night?"

"Just ask," said Kanan. "I'll do the same when I want to be with you."

It sounded so simple. Hera hoped it would be. "And you don't feel like I'm pushing you away?"

Kanan shook his head. "I know how you feel about me, and you know how I feel about you." A smile broke over Kanan's face. "And if we want those feelings to stay that way I think I need to have my own room again."

Hera finally admitted defeat. Sometimes two otherwise perfectly suited people just weren't meant to share a room. "Alright, love, we'll go back to how it used to be. However, I want you to know that we're still at the living together stage of our relationship even if we're in separate rooms."

"Sounds good to me," said Kanan as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "So, can I stay tonight or do you want me back in my own room immediately."

Hera rested her head on Kanan's shoulder. She knew it would only take him a literal minute to move his few things back to his own drawer in the other cabin. "No, I'm not kicking you out until tomorrow. Tonight you're all mine."

Kanan's arm around her tightened in a small hug. "I like the sound of that."


	5. PROPOSALS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wherein I explore why Kanan and Hera never officially tied the knot.

Hera and Kanan kneeled on the floor of the cargo bay, fingers interlaced behind their bowed heads. Hera hoped the pirates would be satisfied to just loot what little cargo they had. "Please," she said, dropping into her Twi'lek accent, "my husband and I are just humble travelers, please let us be."

She could see this predicament galled Kanan, he hated being forced into situations where he couldn't do anything, but a dozen heavily armed pirates were too many to contend with at the moment. The Florrum sector had a well deserved reputation for piracy.

"Please," Kanan added, "we have nothing of value."

"Well, aren't you fancy," said one of the pirates, a female Weequay, kicking Kanan's leg. She looked at her compatriots. "This one's come all the way from the Core."

Hera shot a concerned look at Kanan out of the corner of her eye. She'd forgotten how out of place his accent might be in this sector. He'd tried to rough it up a bit, attempted to hide it, but he still spoke with that neat, polished accent of the Coruscant political district. The one all the news anchors tried to imitate when they spoke in basic and the one that you had to have in order to get access anywhere important these days. She was suddenly very scared for him. Kanan glanced sideways and met her eye. She could see he was worried too.

"Hey," said Kanan, trying to bluff, "I don't know what you're talking about. I've never been to the Core in my life."

"Don't bother lying," said the Weequay. "If you're from Coruscant and are all the way out here, that can mean only one thing."

"The Empire will probably pay handsomely for you," said another pirate, a male zabrak. "They don't take too kindly to defectors. Everyone knows that people don't just leave, what do they call it? Imperial Center? Yeah, people don't just leave from there, not since the Empire took over."

"I bet Captain Needa will be interested in what we got here, I bet he'll even pay. I bet he knows some of those ISB guys who specialize in spies and defectors, they are serious about cutting off loose ends." The Weequay chuckled and tapped Kanan's head with her blaster. "You're about to bring me a load of money."

A stab of fear raced through Hera, if these pirates had Imperial contacts, and she was sure they did from the way they were talking, they were in deep trouble. Whatever happened, she couldn't let them have a chance to call the Empire, Kanan's life depended on it. Thinking fast she blurted out, "Fine, I will tell you the truth. We are smugglers, we have a secret cargo of kyber crystals." If she played this right they might be able to salvage the situation.

Suddenly she had the pirates' full attention on her and off of Kanan. "Tell us more," the female pirate said.

"The crystals are hidden in the escape pod," said Hera, her Twi'lek accent still in place, "almost a thousand kilograms. We thought we might get away if we were ever boarded." The pirates shared a laugh at her foolishness. Her act seemed to be convincing them, or at least her accent. Many beings in the galaxy were ready to underestimate a female Twi'lek with an accent, often to their detriment.

"Well, we may not want to call the Empire too soon," said the Zabrak. There was a nod of consensus.

The Weequay crossed her arms. "A thousand kilos you say?"

Hera nodded submissively. "All of it refined." The black market value of a shipment like that would be astronomical. The pirates took the bait.

"You five," the Weequay pointed to half the group, "come with me and we'll check out these kyber crystals. The rest of you," she gestured to the other half of the group, "keep these two under guard until I get back. If they make one wrong move – kill them."

The remaining pirates pointed their weapons at Hera and Kanan, but Hera was relieved as the other pirates left to inspect _Phantom_. Now that they had half as many adversaries, they just might be able to manage this.

She spotted Chopper near the wall, he was sitting quietly like she'd ordered the second she realized they were being boarded. She glanced at Kanan, he gave her a microscopic nod showing that he was ready. Hera held her breath as she waited, the entire time her eyes peeled on Chopper. They only had a few moments to pull this off.

Kanan sneezed loudly causing all the pirates to look at him. At that exact second, Hera raised her hand for Chop to see spreading her fingers in a signal she'd worked out with him a long time ago. Chopper went nuts.

Popping out both of his arms, Chopper emitted a high pitched squeal and began shooting electricity everywhere. The pirates turned on their heels and began shooting at the droid while simultaneously trying to avoid electric shocks. Kanan had his opening. Springing to his feet he kicked the closest pirate in the back of the knees and snatched the blaster out the unsuspecting pirate's hand. Quickly firing into the group he had their full attention. "Go!" he yelled at Hera.

Hera, springing to her feet as well, ran for the cockpit. She had to disengage _Ghost_ from the pirate ship before anymore reinforcements came or else they'd be in real trouble. Sliding into the pilot's seat she slammed her hand down on the manual override, sealing _Ghost_ off from the pirate ship. Engaging the disconnect she opened the comm channel for _Phantom._

The voices of half a dozen pirates came over the comm. "Can't you get that panel loose any faster?" the Weequay was demanding.

"I'm trying, but it's tricky," came the reply from another pirate.

Hera had them. Slapping in a series of commands for _Phantom_ she overrode its systems and sealed the door, effectively locking the pirates in the tiny ship. Now, any pirates on board would be stuck there. Completing the disconnect from the pirate ship, Hera's only thought was to get away. Pulling up her nav computer she punched in the first coordinates that flashed on her screen. _Ghost_ instantly jumped to lightspeed and they were away.

Fetching the blaster she kept hidden in the cockpit, Hera went to help Kanan and Chopper. "Give it up," she ordered from the catwalk, "it's all over."

* * *

"So, where to now?" Hera asked as they jumped away from the Tannoban system. She and Kanan had marooned the surviving pirates on one of its moons where she was sure they would be nice and comfortable.

"Somewhere where pirates aren't," said Kanan. "I hate getting held up like that."

"You make it sound like it happens all the time," said Hera.

"It happens more often than I like." Kanan leaned back in the co-pilot's chair, hands behind his head as he looked out the viewscreen. "Maybe we should hit the Cressill system, I hear they have nice markets."

Hera thought about it. "Is there something you want to buy?"

Kanan shrugged. "Maybe I just want to look."

There was a moment of silence between them as Hera dropped them out of hyperspace and calculated the jump to Cressill.

Kanan rotated his chair this way and that as he waited for Hera to finish her task. When she finally jumped them back to lightspeed he turned to look at her. "Husband, huh?" Kanan crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow playfully. "When did that happen?"

Hera had to think for a long moment before she remembered the lie she'd told the pirates just after they were boarded. She smiled. "I thought it was simpler than: man I'm currently in a relationship with but we haven't really defined what we are but we're exclusive and long term. It's a bit of a mouthful."

Kanan laughed. "I suppose it is. Though, it sounded to me like you were trying to lock me down so that Weequay wouldn't get any ideas."

Concerns about lusty pirates had been the furthest thing from Hera's mind. Thinking about it now she laughed, if only because it seemed absurd in hindsight. Turning her chair so it was facing Kanan's fully, she leaned forward and put her hands on his knees. Locking eyes with him she said, "Marrying you so I can lock you down permanently doesn't sound like a half-bad idea."

The flirty mood screeched to a halt. Kanan's eyes went big. Hera wasn't sure, but he might have stopped breathing. The ship was dead silent for a long moment. "Hera," he finally said in a strained voice.

Hera realized maybe springing a playful marriage proposal was a little too much, she needed to dial this back. To be fair, though, he was the one who'd brought it up. She reached a hand out to Kanan's face. "I'm only teasing, love."

"Yeah," Kanan tried to force a smile, "yeah, I know." He did not sound sure of that at all.

Hera leaned back in her chair. Maybe they should talk about this now. "Kanan," she started, she could see him tensing up again, "what _do_ you think about it, about us getting married someday?"

"Is that something you're going to expect from me?" Kanan's voice was quiet.

"No," said Hera, "I just want to know what you think." She honestly didn't care about it one way or another. Formalizing it with a ceremony didn't change anything between her and Kanan. Still, there were times when she thought about a life with a family of her own and she'd always pictured Kanan a part of that.

Kanan took a long time to answer. "I don't think I can do that," was all he said at last.

Hera had a feeling she knew why. "Because of the Jedi thing?" Hera knew how hard it was to abandon your home and your culture. Kanan wasn't only abandoning it, but he'd had it completely taken away from him. If he wanted to hold on to some parts of how he was raised, even if they made no sense to her, she couldn't blame him.

Kanan nodded. "Yeah."

Hera leaned close to him again and planted a kiss on his forehead. "You love me, don't you? You want to stay with me?"

Kanan looked at her as if she were being absurd. "You know I do."

Hera smiled. "Then that's all I need."

"If marriage is something you really want, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give it to you," Kanan warned. He was searching her face looking for some encouragement.

"I don't want anything but you. What we call it, what we call each other, it doesn't mean anything. You're mine and I'm yours and that's all that matters." Hera ran a hand over Kanan's neck, his skin was warm under her fingers.

"You sure you're not going to regret this?" Kanan's beautiful eyes looked into her own.

Hera thought about her answer for a moment. Would she regret spending her life with Kanan without any sort of formalization? Would she resent him and feel like he'd never really committed to her? Briefly she thought of what her father would say if he found out she was in a long-term relationship with a human she had no intention of marrying. She also thought of what her father might say about her marrying a human at all. In her imagination, none of it was good.

She pushed thoughts of her father aside, he had no place in this conversation anyway. "Kanan, I will never regret a single day I spend with you. You're my family, I love you, what more could I ask for?"

Kanan smiled. "Well, a lot probably, but I'm glad you're okay with settling."

Hera pulled Kanan closer to her, her mouth struggling against a smile. "Say that again and I'll marry you out of spite, then what will you do?"

Kanan laughed, now fully relaxed, his anxiety about their relationship once more put to rest. "I suppose I'd do whatever you want."

"Don't you already do that?" asked Hera.

"Seems so," said Kanan. Leaning forward he closed the distance between them, kissing her softly.

Hera knew it must be difficult for Kanan to map this uncharted territory with no guidance, but as long as they kept being honest with each other they would find their way together.


	6. UNDER FIRE

Ever since Kanan had come clean to her about being a Jedi Hera had been worried about one thing: When would the Empire come for him? _Never_ , she told herself, _I won't let that happen_. For that not to happen, however, it meant that Kanan had to be careful, he absolutely couldn't be seen doing anything even remotely Jedi-like. So far, things were okay, but Hera was always worried that Kanan would slip up, forget himself, and be outed to the entire galaxy. He would be lucky if the Empire killed him outright. The thought of it made her nervous.

She tried to tell herself that as long as they were careful, they would have nothing to worry about. She tried to push the fears from her mind and focus on the now. She tried, but she wasn't very successful.

Kanan and Hera were waiting, crouched behind a stack of crates at the edge of the docking platform on Cressill. Hera peered over the top of one of the boxes to see if their target had showed yet. "There she is," whispered Hera, pointing to the female Devaronian. "That's Ozga, she gives a cut of pirated goods to certain Imperial commanders who turn around and sell it on the black market. She makes them rich and they let her operate."

"Sounds delightful." Kanan peeked over the top of the crates as well. "Do you see the crates of medical supplies?"

Hera scanned the platform. There were crates scattered all around waiting to be loaded on Ozga's smuggling ship. Hera only wanted a few of them. "There," she whispered, nodding to three red crates sitting towards the edge of the platform.

"Got it," said Kanan, half rising from his crouch.

The plan was simple enough, cause a distraction, get in, get out. They had two speeder bikes waiting a few meters away to make a quick exit. Ozga wouldn't even know what had happened. Kanan had already started moving when Hera froze. "Wait."

Kanan stopped. "What is it?"

Hera couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene. Six female Twi'leks, scantily dressed and bound in chains, were being hustled across the far end of the platform towards Ozga's ship by two heavily armed human males. "Slaves," Hera whispered, her voice tight with emotion.

Kanan looked over at the small group of Twi'leks. "We can rescue them," he said without hesitation.

"Really?" Hera's heart pounded. It sickened her to think that her people were trafficked around the galaxy for every insidious purpose. It could have just as easily been her out there in chains. She almost didn't dare to hope. With so many people the speeder bikes would be out as a get away option.

"Of course," Kanan said, "but we have to act fast."

Hera nodded as Kanan quickly outlined the new plan. Always ambitious, Kanan said they could still get the medical supplies too. Hera was ready, but the new plan was risky. Far riskier since other living beings were involved.

Kanan, crouching low, scurried away from their position to start the distraction. Hera waited for her moment. She couldn't look away from the Twi'leks as they shuffled along the platform huddling close to one another as they walked. She could see they were terrified, she tried not to think what they'd been through before coming here.

Clicking open her comm Hera signaled to Chopper. "You need to come get us, the speeder bike plan is scratched."

Chopper grumbled in reply.

"What do you mean you're not at the ship? Get back there and come to my location, now." Hera couldn't believe Chopper would disobey her orders to stay with _Ghost_. Okay, she could believe it but it still made her angry. Hera kept her eyes peeled on Kanan as he left their cover and started his distraction.

Kanan wandered out onto the platform visibly stumbling as if he were drunk. Hera cringed. Kanan's drunk act _was_ certainly distracting but that was about the best thing that could be said about it.

Kanan hailed Ozga. "Hey, baby, how are you? I haven't seen you in ages!"

Hera tried not to listen to Kanan, it would destroy her focus if she was constantly rolling her eyes.

"Get out of my loading area," Ozga said. "I don't know you, drunk."

"Sure you do," Kanan insisted as he shambled closer, "we spent Empire Day together under the stars. It was beautiful." Kanan waved his hand vaguely at the sky.

Ozga quickly seemed to have had enough of this. "You two," she snapped at the men guarding the Twi'leks, "escort this idiot away from my docking platform."

The two men left the little group of enslaved women and went to drag Kanan away from the docking area. _Well_ , Hera thought, _Kanan's plan worked even at the cost of his dignity._ Kanan let the men escort him a certain distance across the platform, conveniently right in the direction of the medical crates. Hera was poised to act as soon as the commotion started.

"Whoops," Kanan said as he dropped to his knees, pretending that he'd fallen. One of the men leaned down to drag Kanan back to his feet. Kanan dropped the act. Grabbing the man's arm, he yanked the guard off his feet, snatching the blaster from his hands as he fell. In the same move Kanan brought the blaster up and shot the second guard before he had a chance to pull the trigger.

As the blast hit the guard Hera ran for the Twi'leks. Yanking a tool from her pocket as she ran, she threw a glance over her shoulder to see that Kanan seemed to be coping with his half of the plan just fine. Joining the women who were standing on the open platform, completely unprotected, Hera used her tool to break open the locks on their shackles.

"Follow me," she said in the Twi'lek language, "I will take you to safety." The women hesitated, Hera knew they were probably terrified and overwhelmed but they didn't have time for discussions. Channeling her father's imperious nature as best she could she barked at them, "Now!"

They followed her.

Ozga was already yelling for reinforcements on her comm and even before Hera had taken a handful of steps back to her original position a dozen more men and women with blasters arrived. She and the other six dove for cover behind the closest crates as blasterfire filled the air. Yanking her blaster free, Hera looked around wildly for Kanan. She didn't see him anywhere as she blasted a few shots off at the smuggler's guards.

Grabbing her comm she keyed for Chopper. "We need to get out of here, now! Pick us up at platform twenty-two." She heard the confirming whistles from the other end and hoped he would be here in just a few seconds, because that's all they were going to have.

The guards were advancing across the platform, their blaster bolts sizzling as they slammed into the pavement and pounded into the crates. "Kanan!" she yelled to the docking area in general, "where the hell are you?"

Kanan came vaulting over the top of the crates and dropped to the ground next to her. "Right here, but we are definitely not getting those medical crates. Also," he glanced over to where the parked speeder bikes were currently being peppered with blasterfire, "we're not gonna be able to get to the bikes."

"You think?" Hera wasn't sure they were getting away at all, their hasty plan was falling apart fast. The crates they were behind were taking a beating and once they gave out their little group had no where to go.

"Is Chopper coming?" Kanan leaned around the corner of the crates and sprayed blaster bolts wildly, causing the guard's advance to stop for a second.

"Yes, but it will be a few minutes." Hera flinched as the crate behind her shuddered from the impact of enemy fire.

"We don't got a few minutes." Kanan sent more fire back to the guards. "He needs to be here now." Kanan's voice was grim, his brow furrowed in concentration.

Hera was suddenly afraid. She looked at the other six who were crouching, cowering, completely defenseless. "We have to hold them off somehow." She didn't want to think about what would happen if they were captured.

Kanan looked at her, then at the others and finally he sighed. Seemingly resigned. Hera didn't know what it meant but it scared her. Kanan dug a hand into his boot and came up with two cylindrical tubes. As he locked them together Hera realized what they were.

"Kanan, you can't do this." If he did then _everybody_ would know. Her creeping fear was suddenly an acute terror.

"You got a better idea, because I'm all ears." Kanan's sharpness a cover for his nervousness.

She didn't. "If they find out-"

"Yeah, yeah, they'll try to kill me, but if you haven't noticed, they're already doing a pretty good job. Now, wait for me to draw their fire-"

"Kanan, please don't." They would find another way, they had to find another way. She couldn't let Kanan risk himself like this because she'd wanted to rescue her people.

"I have to. Wait for me to draw their fire then get out of here." Rising from behind the crates Kanan strode out into the open.

"What is he doing?" said one of the Twi'leks.

"Be ready to run on my signal." Hera ignored the question. She couldn't breathe as she watched Kanan stand, completely unprotected, in front of Ozga's men. His lightsaber activated with a snap-hiss and a blue-white blade appeared. That was all it took for all weapons to be aimed at him.

Keying Chopper, Hera yelled into her comm, "Where are you!" She couldn't keep the panic from her voice. "We need you now!"

Chopper's whistles and blurps were almost drowned out by the blasterfire being aimed at Kanan. He was advancing slowly across the platform, using his lightsaber to deflect blaster bolts with ease. Hera tried to focus, tried not to think that she might see her love die right in front of her.

Her comm bleeped and rising into view behind them was _Ghost._ Chopper steered the ship as close as he could, hovering it just above the ground. "Kanan!" she called, every bolt that rained past him sent a spike of fear through her.

"Go!" Kanan yelled over his shoulder. "Leave the ramp down."

Hera didn't want to leave Kanan exposed to all that blasterfire. She briefly thought about joining him on the platform and using her blaster to provide cover.

"Hera!" Kanan said, his tone more than a little annoyed. Hera swallowed. She had to trust him.

Motioning to the Twi'leks, Hera pointed at _Ghost's_ ramp. "There's our ride." Using her small blaster to cover their retreat, Hera and the group of women made a break for it, racing across the remaining length of the platform. Clattering up the ramp Hera ran for the cockpit.

Chopper mumbled to her about something as she slid into the captain's chair. "Go to the cargo bay and help Kanan!" Grabbing the controls she steered the ship toward the center of the action. She couldn't get very low because the smuggler's ship was taking up most of the space on the docking bay. Hera swore to herself. How was Kanan possibly going to make it on board?

A moment later she heard Kanan's voice calling from the cargo bay. "Get us out of here!"

Hera slammed the control to close the ramp and headed for open space before any Imperial patrols caught wind of the skirmish. Scrambling _Ghost's_ signature just to be sure, she tried to force back a looming dread that this might be the beginning of the end for Kanan. He'd revealed himself as a Jedi. The Empire would be coming for him.

Jumping to lightspeed as soon as she could, Hera came back to the cargo bay where the Twi'leks were gathered. They were looking at Kanan mistrustfully and speaking softly among themselves in the Twi'lek language.

"It's alright," Hera said to them in the same language. "You're safe now."

One of them, her skin a vibrant shade of orange, stepped forward and spoke in basic, "Who are you? Where are you taking us?"

"This is Kanan Jarrus." Hera gestured to him, his lightsaber was now nowhere to be seen. "My name is Hera Syndulla, and we are taking you where ever you want to go."

"Syndulla?" said another Twi'lek, her eyes wide. "Are you related to Cham Syndulla?"

Hera grimaced a little. "I'm his daughter."

The entire group of formerly enslaved women relaxed. "This is a great day," said the orange one, "we are rescued by the daughter of Ryloth's hero."

Hera frowned, she didn't want to dwell on that too long. "Come with me, I'll show you where you can clean up." Leading the troupe of Twi'leks to the crew quarters she got them settled. As she searched through the storage closet for some decent clothes for them her thoughts rapidly jumped between the plight of the Twi'lek women and Kanan.

Kanan had offered to help her people, he was a good man like that. He'd done it for her and now he'd outed himself as a Jedi. She didn't know how she was going to protect him going forward. She had a responsibility to help those in need, but she also had to keep Kanan safe. She'd promised him she would. She didn't want to have to choose between saving others or saving Kanan.

* * *

When they finally dropped the Twi'leks off on Ryloth, Hera gave them specific instructions as to how to get in touch with her father. "He'll help you get settled again," she said handing them a comm programmed to the right frequency.

"Your father must be so proud of you," said the orange Twi'lek, "he will beam with joy when we tell him of the bravery of you and your Jedi."

Hera doubted that, she also knew for a fact that her father was not proud of her. There was no point in telling these others about that, though. "Safe travels," she said, "I hope we meet again."

"We as well," the orange Twi'lek smiled.

"There's one more thing," Hera said, slipping into the Twi'lek language so that Kanan wouldn't overhear. "You must keep it a secret that Kanan is a Jedi, his life is in danger if you tell anyone."

The Twi'lek's all nodded. "We will not tell anyone."

Hera smiled at them and bid them farewell again. She pushed away the small concern about these other Twi'leks knowing about Kanan being a Jedi. She did wonder if they might still tell her father about Kanan despite their promise. In silence, she and Kanan headed back towards _Ghost._

Hera avoided Kanan's eye as she headed for the cockpit and navigated _Ghost_ into space. She'd very nearly lost Kanan because she'd wanted to save her people. She might lose him even still if word of the skirmish with Ozga got out. At the same time she couldn't see a situation where she would have turned her back on those women. They had needed her help, she'd had to give it to them. Rising from the captain's seat she met Kanan in the doorway.

"You okay?" he asked, taking her hands in his own. He was looking down at her in that searching way of his. "You've been a little quiet since we left Cressill."

Hera was about to say: Y _es, of course I'm fine,_ but she stopped herself. She wasn't fine and she didn't have to hide it from Kanan. "No," she said, giving Kanan's hands a squeeze, "I'm not."

"Tell me about it." Kanan slid his arm around her waist and led her toward the crew quarters.

Hera's thoughts were confused, she wasn't sure where to start. "Kanan, I'm sorry I risked your life for those women, I didn't realize how bad everything would get." She knew it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't stop feeling responsible for how things played out.

Opening the door to her room, Kanan led her to her bunk where they sat down. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"When we changed our plans last minute to save those other Twi'leks, I put us in a position where you had to reveal yourself as a Jedi." A wave of guilt washed over Hera. "I just couldn't leave them but now you're in more danger than ever because I changed things in the middle."

"First off," said Kanan, "you didn't put me in danger, I put me in danger. I made the decision and I knew the risks." Leaning back, Kanan pulled Hera a little closer to him. "Those women needed our help, there's no way we could have left them."

"It all went wrong so quickly, we're lucky to be alive." Hera leaned on Kanan's shoulder. "I feel stuck, like I had to make a choice between helping people or keeping you safe. I was so scared for you."

"Hera, I knew what I was doing when I brought out my lightsaber. It wasn't the first time I've done it and it won't be the last. You don't have anything to worry about." Kanan gave a wry chuckle. "Anyway, I really doubt those smugglers are going to get anyone to believe them when they tell their buyers that their slaves were kidnapped by a Jedi."

Hera's lips twitched in a smile, but mentally she kept replaying the moment that Kanan stepped out in front of those blasters. "I thought I was going to watch you die."

"That's not going to happen," Kanan said, tightening his arm around Hera. "I'm okay and you are too. We saved those women and got out alive, I don't think anything else matters."

"What about the next time? I can't ask you to reveal yourself like that again. It's too dangerous." Hera couldn't stop imagining a squad of stormtroopers coming for him.

"You won't have to, I'll choose it myself. I'll always choose to help, I don't think I can do anything else." Kanan said it in a voice that made her believe him.

"Kanan, I promised to keep you safe, I promised you'd be okay." Hera was starting to realize that secretly working for the Rebellion and keeping Kanan out of the path of the Empire might be a lot harder than she thought.

"And you do, right here on _Ghost._ You give me a place to call home and I can trust you completely. That's more than I've ever had since I was a kid and it's enough." Kanan put a hand to her chin, turning her face to look at him. "I don't know what to say to make you stop worrying about me, but you can trust me. If I decide to reveal myself then you can trust that it's the best option for me at that moment. I know what the risks are and I'm okay with them."

Hera knew he was right. She expected him to trust her when she decided to do tricky maneuvers in _Ghost_ to evade Imperials or pirates, or when she planned their ops with intel from mysterious sources, so she needed to trust him on this. She just didn't realize how hard that was going to be. Kanan wasn't just a crew member or a Jedi, he was her life-partner. Being okay with him putting himself at extreme risk wasn't going to be easy. Looking into his eyes she saw that he was calm, he wasn't at all worried about the potential fallout of his actions on Cressill.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, love, I can trust you. I can do that much."

Kanan put his other arm around her and hugged her tightly. "Next time," he said, "we'll try a better plan because that one was awful. Remind me not to go out without some explosives anymore."

"We'd have to get our hands on some explosives in the first place," Hera reminded him. She thought a moment of how Kanan had stepped out from behind the crates with only his lightsaber in hand. "Were you scared when you went out there in front of all those blasters?"

"A little," Kanan laughed. "It's been a long time since I've done that and for a second there I was afraid I'd forgotten how."

Hera tried to control the twist in her stomach at his words. "You really do worry me, you know." Hera leaned against Kanan's chest. She liked how strong he felt, like he was something solid that would never go away. "Do you really think you'll have to do that again?" She was wondering if maybe there was some way they could avoid it.

"Probably," said Kanan with a sigh. "I just can't help myself, it seems. If it's not the lightsaber it's something else, a Force push or an impossible jump. I'm starting to think living like a real person isn't in the cards for me."

"What does that mean?" She couldn't imagine that Kanan might just start showing off his powers to everyone.

"It means that we have to plan for these eventualities. We're going to have to come up with a code only we know for when things are so bad that I need to use my Jedi powers." Kanan's voice was light but Hera could tell he was only half joking. "Got any ideas?"

Hera thought about their narrow escape earlier. It might have been a little less narrow if she'd been at the helm instead of Chopper. "What about a Twenty-two Pickup? Chopper got us off platform twenty-two on Cressill, it seems appropriate."

"Twenty-two Pickup it is." Kanan ran a gentle hand over one of Hera's lekku as they mused on their new code name in silence for a moment. "You going to be okay with this?" His voice was soft, he really wanted to make sure she was okay.

"If you're asking me if I'm going to stop worrying about you, then the answer is no." Hera closed her eyes and enjoyed Kanan's caresses. "But I can trust that you know best when it comes to your powers and when to reveal them. I hope that one day you don't have to hide it anymore."

Hera felt Kanan let out a small sigh. "It sounds like a dream."

Hera found one of his hands and interlaced their fingers. "Sometimes dreams can come true."


	7. JUST ANOTHER DAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Season 1, Episode 8, Kanan acts like he doesn't even know what Empire Day is, I have retconned that slightly here because I think of all people in the _Ghost_ crew Kanan would most remember the day the Republic fell.

Hera first heard the voice coming from Kanan's room early that day. It was a man's voice, but distinct enough from Kanan's that she knew it wasn't his. It echoed faintly through the hall. Passing the door, she caught a few words of what the man was saying. "Avoid detection. Be secret." Hera assumed that Kanan must be listening to a recording of some kind as she made her way to the galley for breakfast.

When Kanan didn't show like he usually did she made her own meal and ate it by herself. He probably just needed some alone time, so she would let him have his space. Wanting for her usual morning conversation, however, she switched on the small radio she kept in the galley to hear some news.

"Happy greetings to all citizens and sentients on this Empire Day," the announcer started, "we look forward to the bright and beautiful future under the wisdom and guidance of our great Emperor Palpatine."

Hera switched off the radio in disgust, even here on the Outer Rim the propaganda messages of the Empire still blared on every official holiday. Twi'leks didn't observe Empire Day, the Empire had only ever brought them more pain and loss than The Clone Wars ever had. _I guess it's going to be a quiet day today,_ Hera thought, _no Kanan, no radio. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself._ Finishing her meal she headed into _Ghost's_ cockpit and started in on her checklist for the morning.

When she returned to her cabin a little later to gather up her dirty clothes for washing, she heard the voice again. "Do not return." Taking her clothes to the washing machine, Hera sorted her them into distinct color piles. She wondered what Kanan was listening to or watching in his room. Even though the voice was nice enough, the words it spoke didn't sound particularly good.

Around noon she went back to her cabin with her laundry clean and folded. She hadn't seen Kanan yet today, she hoped he was enjoying his alone time. She ought to be enjoying hers, but she'd ended up spending most of her day so far thinking about what Kanan was doing and not really taking advantage of the peace and quiet herself. The voice from before could be heard through the cabin door. "Avoid detection." Hera didn't know why, but she was beginning to not like this voice so much.

Kanan didn't appear for lunch either, so Hera ate with only Chopper for company. The little droid gurgled and grumbled, asking where Kanan was.

"He's in his room, I guess he's not hungry." Hera tried not to worry about Kanan's absence, sometimes he just needed extra space. He needed time to meditate almost every day and on top of that, sometimes people just needed to not be around each other for a bit.

Chopper pinched his clamp-arms, offering to go get him.

"No, Chop, leave him alone. He'll come find us when he's ready." She hoped it wouldn't be too long before he did so, she was kind of missing him today. She'd roamed the galaxy for quite some time before she'd met up with Kanan, and she had been happy enough being alone with only Chopper. But things were different now, she was different now, she didn't want to go back to being by herself ever again.

Chopper suggested taking him some food, reaching one of his little arms out for the edge of her plate.

"No, Chopper, if Kanan's hungry he'll come get something. He wants to be left alone." Mentally, however, she decided that if she didn't see him at supper than she would take him something. But who knew, maybe fasting sometimes was a Jedi thing?

When it was close to supper time Hera went to grab one of her tools from her under-bunk drawer. The voice was still coming from Kanan's room. It had to either be a really long recording, or Kanan was listening to the same one it over and over again. "This message is a warning." Those words sent a chill down Hera's spine. Whatever it was, she didn't like it.

Heading to the galley for supper, Hera noticed she was once again alone. Kanan was usually the one to cook, but he hadn't come out of his room all day. She was a little worried about him. Opening the cupboards she pulled down a few ingredients and started preparing dinner. Kanan likely hadn't eaten all day so she tried her best to make something edible. Between the two of them, he was the better cook, but she made a brave effort to make something appealing and delicious.

Kanan never showed for dinner, so after she ate she put a portion of the meal into a bowl and headed towards his room. Pausing in front of the door she could still hear that voice and the same ominous words as before. Knocking, she called, "Kanan, I brought you something for dinner." For a second there was no response and Hera thought about putting the bowl on the floor in front of his cabin and leaving. If he really did want space she would give it to him.

The voice stopped and she heard Kanan moving about in his room. The doors to these cabins weren't soundproof at all. She'd thought about trying to find more soundproof ones, but with only the two of them, an overhaul like that didn't make much sense. Opening the door, Kanan stood before her. He blinked as the bright light from the hall hit his face. Hera saw that his room was completely dark.

Kanan looked down at the bowl she was holding and seemed to register exactly how late it was. "Sorry, I forgot."

Hera proffered the bowl of food. "You've been a bit preoccupied all day. Here, eat something."

Kanan took the bowl. "I guess I have been."

Hera leaned against the door frame, she didn't want to be pushy, but she wanted to make sure that he was okay. "I heard you in here listening to something over and over again all day, is everything alright?"

Kanan kept his eyes on the bowl in his hands. "I've been listening to a Jedi recording."

"What's it of?" Hera struggled to mesh the decidedly dark snippets she'd been overhearing all day with the calm and peacefulness of the Jedi.

He deliberated for a moment but finally said, "I can show you." Kanan waved her inside and set his bowl down on the storage cabinet.

Hera entered the dark room, leaving the door open. Noticing a small cube on the floor, she recognized it as Kanan's holocron, a Jedi device of some sort, but she didn't know much more about it. Closing his eyes, Kanan raised his hand and the cube floated into the air in the middle of the room.

Hera marveled as, without so much as a touch from a physical hand, the cube broke into multiple pieces and emitted a blue-white light. From the center of the block a holographic figure appeared and Hera realized it must have some sort of data storage capacity.

The figure was dressed in Jedi robes and started speaking in the neat and polished tones of the Coruscant political district. Kanan kept his eyes closed, his hand outstretched to the holocron. The blue light poured over his features casting them into sharp relief. The figure began his message, "This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. I regret to report that both our Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with the dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place. This message is a warning and a reminder for any surviving Jedi: trust in the Force. Do not return to the Temple. That time has passed, and our future is uncertain. Avoid Coruscant. Avoid detection. Be secret... but be strong. We will each be challenged: our trust, our faith, our friendships. But we must persevere and, in time, I believe a new hope will emerge. May the Force be with you always."

As the recording ended the holocron resumed its previous cube shape and fell back to the floor. Kanan opened his eyes. The only light in the room came from the hall, leaving the cabin's interior dark and shadowy. Hera knew of Obi-Wan Kenobi, he'd been one of the Jedi who'd helped to liberate Ryloth during The Clone Wars. She didn't understand why Kanan had been watching this message of all day, though.

She turned to him, putting a hand on his arm. "Why are you watching this today?"

"Today's That Day, the day the Jedi fell." Kanan's voice was quiet. He was still looking at the spot on the floor where the holocron lay.

"Empire Day," Hera whispered, mostly to herself. It suddenly made sense. For her the day that the Republic fell was just another day among many when her people mourned for all that had been lost, for Kanan? It was the last day of his past life. He'd only been fourteen. Giving Kanan's arm a squeeze she nodded her head towards the bunk. "Want to tell me about it?"

The two of them went to the bunk and sat down. Kanan still wasn't looking at her. "I don't think I can," he said at last. His voice was low and thick with emotion. "Not anymore than I already have."

Hera nodded. "That's okay, love." She ran a hand over his arm trying to comfort him. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No." Kanan shook his head. His eyes still locked on the holocron on the floor. He was tense, she could see that in the way he was sitting. He was trying to let her in but it wasn't easy.

Hera slipped her arm behind his back and ran her hand back and forth across his shoulders. She waited for a long moment to see if he would say anything more. When he remained silent she asked, "Does listening to that recording help?"

Kanan sighed. "Kind of? It's the last thing I have from the Jedi and when I listen to it sometimes I," he paused for a moment, trying to collect himself, "I feel hope." Sitting up a little he looked at her finally, his eyes searching her face like he'd done so many times before. "Master Kenobi had to have lived through it all in order to make this message, sometimes I wonder if he's still out there somewhere." Hera heard the shift in his voice as he struggled for control. "Maybe there are others too. Sometimes I think, I hope, that maybe I'm not the last one."

Hera continued rubbing Kanan's back, pricked by a sudden wave of emotion herself. She knew what it was like to lose someone close to you. Losing her mother was one of the hardest things she'd ever experienced, made even harder by her father's cold attitude and emotional distance. It had taken her a lot of years to feel more or less okay again, but the hole in her heart left by her mother's death had in no way disappeared. That was just one person, she hadn't lost _everyone._ She still had her father, even with things as they were between them. She still had Ryloth and could return there whenever she wanted. She still had her people. She knew who she was and where she belonged. If she had lost it all, she wasn't sure she could have survived.

"Kanan," she said, her voice low as she tried to keep her own emotions in check, "I'm so sorry." She leaned her head against his shoulder trying to let him know she was there. "Is there anything I can do?" She hated feeling helpless, like she couldn't do anything to comfort or protect those she loved.

Kanan didn't smile exactly, but he gave her a soft look. "Today is hard for me, but having you here makes it easier. Even if I am the last of the Jedi, I know I'm not alone."

Hera put her hand to Kanan's face, turning it so she could see him better. She looked deep into his eyes and realized one again how long and bitter the road of grief was to walk. She couldn't walk it for him, but she could be at his side while he did. "And you never will be."


	8. EPILOGUE

Kanan was like glass, but like rippled glass. See-through only if you got up close and pressed your cheek against it. Only then could you make out what was beyond. If you kept your distance you'd never be able to see to the other side.

When Kanan first joined Hera on _Ghost_ , she didn't have the highest expectations from him. He seemed like a cowboy and a drifter, someone determined not to stay one place too long. In the early days it seemed like he always had one foot out the door. Hera hadn't wanted to get too attached, she didn't want to be crushed when he left.

Kanan didn't leave, though, and she knew he never would.


End file.
